When you love someone it changes your life.

Not in the EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE WHEN YOU'RE IN LOVE way.

In the Wow, I can't believe it. I'm lucky. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. way.

And I cannot believe I'm in love.

It isn't easy. It's hard. Really fucking hard. Sometimes I have to scrape for understanding and compassion when I feel that I have none, but I do it any way because it's worth it and they're worth it. Every single time.

And there are no words that could properly describe what I'm feeling because, after all, love has no exact definition.

I just wanted to say I'm in love. I'm in love. I'm in love.

I've added words to my vocabulary that replace the cuss words.

Fudge bucket.

Shoes.

Cheese.

Flub.

Gob.

I only replace them because it's more fun to say that the regular words. 

Okay, so a long while ago, I had a person who commented under the name 'anonymous_xanga_stalker' and then the person just stopped commenting one day.

I was quite pleased with the fact that someone actually read my little blogs and I was even more pleased with the fact that it was apparently someone I didn't know.

MY CURIOSITY HAS GOTTEN THE BEST OF ME.

Who are you? (Well, this goes against the main point of the word 'anonymous') Do you still read this blog? (Highly doubtful, though) 

If this is never answered, I'll live, but I'm dying of curiosity (contradiction!). It's always on my mind when I'm on xanga (Very pathetic, I know. But at least I'm not on xanga often enough to be pathetic all the time!)

I feel like I'm picking a fight. (I'm not, by the way) Or, perhaps, acting quite desperate. (I'm [almost] desperate to know who you are, though!)

I'm not even kidding. This is the most curious I've ever been in my life. Perhaps that is quite an exaggeration, but this isn't something a quick wikipedia search can cure.

I have these words for you: Hello and thank you for reading. As you can tell, it's caused a lot of emotional turmoil. Haha.

Wow. It's been a while.

I remember when I made my first xanga account in SIXTH GRADE. What in the world did I blog that was so important back then? Too bad I shut it down. I think I was too embarrassed to look back on my prepubescent rantings and typing. I really regret that now because I could have had many hours of fun being nostalgic and whatnot. 

Then I made four or five in between that time and the blog I have right now. Although I shut those down too, I had a tendency to wax poetic about life and such or did the very opposite and made completely nonsensical posts about a "bagel shooter." (Why I remember that particular fact is way beyond my understanding.)

My tweenie self pretty much grew up on xanga. And whenever I think of my preteen self, I think of the times I hated myself, my body, my personality (or, perhaps, lack thereof back then), and the things I couldn't do.

People really do grow up and change. And that is a great thing.

I really think xanga was instrumental in my maturing because it was a way to vent when I couldn't find anyone else to confide to. (I had major trust issues back in the day.) Instead of going down a path of self destructive tendencies, I blogged. Very therapeutic. It probably helped me in ways I still don't understand. 

Not that I'm such a mature, young lady now, but I have definitely changed and I am so glad for it. 

I wish I had pictures of myself on here. Thinking of that, I don't think I have any pictures during that time.

Great. I wanted photo evidence, but I guess my silly anecdotes on this blog will have to do.

For me, Xanga doesn't have that power to draw me in anymore. 

But for documentation purposes, I guess I'll stick around. Knowing that this blog is around four years old makes me want to keep this blog updated. For the second time I looked back on my Xanga since it's humble beginnings. Pretty much stuff about Asian dramas, anime, life, and my lack of a love life (status has still not changed. Woe is me!).

I really don't what to say about life. It's been swell, I suppose. 

I did discover a few unsavory details of my family's deceit (Outside the nuclear unit. Honestly, aunts, uncles and what-have-yous are so bothersome!). I'm letting it go, though. It's best to let nature take it's judgment because it'll be far better that whatever I have planned.

Allyson out.

I feel very solemn today. Hm.